Hi Ho Hi Ho!

I think my family is a little weird. When we get together we usually end up doing a bunch of work. Frequently it's for my parents, but tomorrow it'll be for me. We'll be celebrating my sister-in-law's birthday, but we'll also be putting in an invisible dog fence.

My brother called me tonight and asked if he should bring his mower. They all know that I only have a reel mower and to be honest, at this time of year, I have trouble keeping up because I'm overloaded with school work. He said that he had all of his lawn equipment, he might as well bring the mower as well. I suspect that we'll be doing much more than just putting the dog fence in. I swear, every get together seems to take on this "barn raising" vibe.

I suspect that a lot of this has to do with all the work we did together on the farm. We know how to work together, and we recognize that work shared is work halved. Personally, it's really nice having brothers who are pretty handy at just about everything...no, I don't want them wiring my house, but they putting in an electric fence, well hell, although they weren't underground, they have strung up plenty of electric fences on the farm.

I better turn in. It's going to be a very busy day tomorrow.

Walking and Mowing

For the last couple of days, we haven't had rain and I've been able to walk to work. I really enjoy doing that. And then tonight, I mowed the front lawn. Although the lawn is rough and it can be jarring, it felt good to be out there working.

When I came in is when I really worked up a sweat. Buddy had gotten his choke collar off, and I had to get it on him to take him out for the last time tonight. He is very ambivalent about that collar. He knows it represents going outside, and so he wants it on, but there's another part of him that fights it. So we have this struggle, his internal, mine external. I understand his feelings. I feel the very same way about food.

Although I've had a rough week dealing with the food, I was very good last night. Going up to bed to read was the solution. I'm going to do it again tonight.

Boo Boos

Over the last two days, I have sustained two dog-related injuries. Last night, Joey was sitting on my lap, and as usual, Buddy was jealous. He was bothering both Joey and me. At one point, Joey snapped at Buddy, and somehow, my hand got in between them. She ended up biting my hand, biting hard enough to draw blood. It hurt like hell. I'm afraid it might get infected. I've washed it and dressed it and taken good care of it. But dog bites are touchy. I'm going to keep a close watch on them. When Buddy was a little puppy, his tooth caught my finger. It got infected. It was a lot of fun.

The second accident was today. I was bending down to put a leash on Joey, and at the same time, Buddy's head went up. It smacked me in the chin. I ended up biting my own lip pretty good. It's mostly on the inside and isn't terribly visible.

After this last injury, I wasn't much in the mood to do a lot of work outside. But after I nursed it a bit, and relaxed, I was able to get some of my work done. Not all of it, like the mowing, but a bit of it.I'll be so glad when I'll be able to just let the dogs outside to run.

Tonight, I'm not going to sit around and watch TV and end up eating. I'm going to bed early, even earlier than usual, and read. Hopefully, that will help give me the control I need.

Panic

Panic has set in. My Comp II students' final research papers are due. They've been constantly in and out of my office. Up until now, they've been practicing writing papers. Now, it's the real thing. Their final papers are worth 25% of their grades. I want them to be anxious. I want them to appreciate the importance of knowing how to write a good research paper, but their rising panic tends to aggravate my own anxiety. And because we had so many snow days this semester, in order to get everything in, I've really had to cram it in at the end, so I have a LOT of papers to grade over the next couple of weeks. I really get tired of them and I'm always tired at the end of the day.

This anxiety has NOT helped my dieting. I've especially been vulnerable when I come home at night. I've been good right up until that last hour before I go to bed. I know I should do something at that time, mow the lawn, clean the house, anything, but I'm so tired, I can't seem to get myself in gear to do these things.

I've made plans that most of my family will be coming here this weekend to help put in the invisible dog fence, and to celebrate my sister-in-law's birthday. Maybe because I'll need to clean the house and get ready for that event I'll be good for the rest of the week. I hope so.

Community

Tonight, I went to a concert Mari was performing in. She plays piano in a community jazz band. It was a lot of fun. What I really liked about this group and the larger group that performed before was that their members were a broad range of ages. Some of them were youngsters still in high school, and there were people who were working age, and then there were also people who were obviously retirement age. It was so cool to see them keep the musical lives they had all started in high school alive. That's something that has to keep a person young at heart. Plus, there's this added sense of community.

I don't feel attached to my community...well, actually, my community isn't where I live. The community that I'm part of is where I work. I know very few people here who aren't part of the college. I'm satisfied being part of the college community, but it bugs me when I get these strange looks from people wondering who I am. Ok, so maybe I could solve that if I'd simply join a church. Well, I'm just not going to do that simply for the sake of getting to know people in town. Besides, too many people at the college know my beliefs and I'd probably be burned as a heretic as soon as it got out. And it's too late to have kids. That always seems to get people involved in the community. No, I'll just have to bide my time and people will eventually get to know me and who I am. And I can't complain. I've always lived like this, sort of an outsider. But, by the time I retire, I hope I can fit in. It would be very hard to retire, knowing that I would be leaving my community behind...hell, I won't be able to retire until I'm about 80 so I should stop waxing so sentimentally.

Enough of this. I'll have to rejoin my community too early tomorrow morning so I better get my butt to bed.

The Pack

This morning, Buddy woke me up and 4:30. I can't be too hard on him because that's what time I get them up on weekdays. But this is Sunday and I wanted to sleep in longer. Eventually, I decided to get up and take them out. Buddy usually barks when he has to go potty if I'm not immediately next to him. He only goes downstairs in the basement (cement floors) if I'm not there. So, we went out and pottied, but I wanted to go back to bed. I thought, "What the hell," and I took them upstairs with me. I actually think Buddy would be calmer if he was confident in my prensence. And I wouldn't mind sleeping with them (don't know about Ken's opinion of that) if they'd settle down and sleep.

Joey, jumped right up in bed and snuggled with me. The only sound she made was occasionally her tummy growled. Buddy, however, was not so comfortable. He finally made his way up onto the bed and he did relax and lay down after awhile. I think I should work on this every weekend. I can't afford to try it during the week because I need to go to sleep if I'm going to get up at such an ungodly hour.

This summer, after I get the invisible fence up and running we'll do a lot more training. Buddy is a lot calmer than he used to be, but I know he'll greatly benefit from the training. With that invisible fence, I'm also looking forward to actually playing with my dogs outside. As it is now, they're always on a leash or a tie-down.

I had better get to work. I have papers to grade.

Waffles

This morning I finished off the batch of waffles. These waffles are chewier than regular waffles. You can get a crunch on the outside, but they'll still be chewier than what you might expect because they are Whole Grain Waffles. This recipe comes from Taste of Home Healthy Cooking page 62 May 2010.

Ingredients
1 cup all-purpose flour
1 cup whole wheat flour
3 tablespoons ground flaxseed
3 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 eggs, separated
2 cups fat-free milk
3 tablespoons canola oil
3 tablespoons unsweetened applesauce

Preparation
1. In a large bowl, combine the flours, flax, baking powder and salt. Combine the egg yolks, milk, oil, and applesauce; stir into dry ingredients until just moistened.

2. In a small bowl, b eat egg whites until stiff peaks form; fold into batter

3. Bake in a preheated waffle iron according to manufacturer's directions until golden brown.

Makes 12 waffles (I think 4-5 servings in more accurate)

2 waffles is equal to 278 calories.

The Great Experiment

I hope I didn't push it too far today with my diabolical plan. Surprisingly, Ken, the retired science teacher, is not fond of experimentation. And given that he has a cold (which, I apparently gave him) he's cranky. Tonight, we tried a healthier waffle, on a new waffle iron that I've never used before. He was not happy with the resulting waffles. Actually, even when it's food that I've tested out in advance, he always starts off with a statement like "Well, it's different." Only at the end of the meal will he give me a final judgment whether it's good or not.

So, now I know, I absolutely will have to try a food myself before I try it out on him, and it can't be too different. The idea is to get him to eat healthier. I don't have to do that by making him eat exotic foods. I just have to get him to eat healthier, whole foods rather than processed junk. Ok, so it would please me if he would become more adventuresome, but hey, I'll take healthier anytime.

I'll share that waffle recipe tomorrow. I forgot to take a picture, so I'll have to find some stock picture that'll look better than the real thing.

My Rainy Journey

It's raining again today, and I'm glad of it. I have to work and it's so much harder to sit in front of a computer when I want to go out and play. Going out to play for me means going out and work in the yard/garden.

I know next week people will ask me what I did over the weekend, and when I tell them that I graded papers, they will then ask whether I got caught up. I've come to believe that "Caught Up" is a mythical land like Never Never Land, or Narnia. It seems, especially this time of the semester, the only time I ever reach "Caught Up" is when I reach "Deadline." I can't complain though. It's the journey I've chosen to take, and it's all in the journey. I experience and learn every step of the way.

On another note, it appears my diabolical plan is working. The other day, Ken asked me what I was going to be cooking this weekend. It seems that he's been liking the healthy food I've been cooking for him. Tonight, I think it will be tilapia. However, in the past, I've only fed him foods that I had already tried. This time, it'll be a recipe I haven't tried before...this could become dicey.

Carpe Diem

Every morning, my morning routine includes preparing my lunch and my breakfast and recording those meals in my diet log. And a couple times recently as I put the date in the log that I'll never see this day again. There will never be another April 23, 2010. I know you're thinking, "Well, duh!" What I mean is that it's been a reminder to me that I need to be mindful of each day I have. When you spend your time grading papers, it's easy to look at each day as the the one before it and on down the line.

I think this is a healthy realization. Every day that I go to put the date in my log I'm going to intentionally remind myself that I'll never see this day again, and try to live that day as if it is unique. I need to be mindful of all my daily experiences and live in the moment, and not just the weekends. I think this will make me a happier person, one who relishes life beyond all else. It's not "Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we may die"-type of attitude. It's eat and drink each moment because it is so fleeting.

Confessions

Maybe it's my Roman Catholic upbringing, but I can't go to sleep tonight without confessing my "sins." I lied. I had something to write about tonight. I just didn't want to admit it to myself or to anyone else. I pigged out.

When Ken and I went to Spencer, I was starving. It felt like the front of my stomach was rubbing against my backbone. I should have planned ahead. I should have taken some sort of snack along with me. An apple, some rice cakes, even some carrot sticks would do it. But I hadn't taken anything and my hunger was gaining control over me. It didn't help when Ken went traipsing through the candy aisle. By the time we got to Menard's I couldn't take it anymore. I picked up a bunch of junk, cinnamon bears and bridge mix. And you know, a glorified lumber yard is the last place to look for healthy food. And I ate them. Well, not quite all of them, but a lot of them.

Apparently, my system is no longer used to this kind of crap. I woke up at about 10:30 with a stomach ache, a terrible thirst and I'm completely wired. I go to bed at 8:00 most nights. 4:30 is going to come around, and there will be hell to pay. Well, at least tomorrow is Friday. I can get through that. I'd sort of like to throw up right now, but I don't know if it's going to happen.

So, what have I done since I've been awake? I came downstairs and read for awhile, but then I decided I needed to have more soup handy for some quick meals. So what did I do? I made some chicken and rice soup. It's on the stove right now cooking. Am I weird or what?

Next time Ken and I are planning a late afternoon trip out of town, I'm definitely packing an apple at the very least.

Mea Culpa, Mea Culpa, Mea Máxima Culpa...And for my penance?....

Sigh

I really don't have much to say. I went with Ken to Spencer after school so that I could get meds. We ate at Perkins. Now, I have to diet this weekend. We came home and we played a game of Scrabble. He beat me. Other than that, I really don't have much to write about. I'll probably have more to write about this weekend.

Don't Worry. Be Happy.

I feel so much happier today, and it's so weird that such a small thing could have such an effect on a life. That stupid dog fence. I think I've found the underground, wireless system that would be best for me. We'll (my family and boyfriend) have to install it ourselves, but I'm actually more comfortable with that than having strangers do it.

This morning, I felt so much better that at the last moment I decided to walk to work. When I got to work, I put on the new Bobby McFerrin album I bought yesterday (Not "Don't Worry. Be Happy"). And as I graded papers and listened, I actually found myself dancing in my chair.

On top of everything else, I've actually begun to move beyond the plateau I've been on for weeks. According to my scale this morning, I've lost an additional 2 pounds putting me at 64 pounds. Another good reason to happy dance. :)

On Dog Fences and Mowing

I'm feeling much better as of this afternoon. I was still a little crabby this morning, but this stupid dog fence was really getting to me. I simply didn't want to put the fence up and get pavers, etc., etc. So I finally just decided not to do it. Not to do it until the right solution came along. I truly believe we need to listen to doubts. Frequently, our instincts are right. So, I've called it off. Then I heard from the local Building Center with an estimate for the materials, not including the pavers...over $900. In addition, I suspect that the nearby Menard's and their fancy estimating machine left out a lot of important additional costs. I didn't believe that $329 estimate.

Now, I'm thinking about underground wireless fencing. I had ruled it out last year for the expense. That was when Buddy was a little 15 pound puppy, and I didn't even have Joey yet. Mari said something about it, and I had to think about why I ruled it out back when. Now, it doesn't seem nearly as unreasonable. I called someone in the area that deals and installs them for an estimate. It was even more outrageous than the fencing, $1076 with tax. That was way out of line, but I've been looking online, and there are systems that you can get that are reasonable and my brothers will help me install it. I really feel so much better about things.

Last night, I cooked to get past my desire to cheat. Tonight, I went out and mowed part of my lawn. It took me longer than I'd normally expect, but I had to stop frequently to scoop up dog poop. My poop scooper would work better with shorter grass.

My mower is the reel mower pictured above. I use it only in part because of its environmental impact. I hate the noise, smell, and difficulty starting a regular mower. My mower is no more difficult to push than a regular mower, but I do generally have to make more passes. Hey, there's nothing wrong with that. I can use the exercise. :)

Better Cooking than Eating!

I was in a bad mood today. Part of it was students, and another part that I didn't get to sleep early enough. I was really tired getting up at 4:30 this morning. On top of that, I'm a little confused and anxious. I don't know what to do about the dog fence I want to put up. I'm just not feeling confident about the plan. It's making me anxious and I don't want to put money out and then not be happy with it. So, anyway, I was crabby, and I was in the mood to cheat.

I felt bad about poor Ken having to put up with me this evening. After he left and after I put the dogs downstairs to bed, I thought about Southewestern Corn Chowder. I haven't made it in a long time, and I really like it. So, I whipped up a batch, and I feel better. I'm not saying the behavior is locked in, but better to cook rather than to eat when I'm feeling like this.

By the way, Ken said he liked the Irish Beef and Guinness Stew. It's one of those that improve the longer it sits. It's definitely a keeper. And my diabolical plan to get Ken to eat healthier seems to be working...of course, he's reading this, and I don't know how diabolical one can be when your adversary knows your plan. Bwaaahhhhhaaaaaaaahhhhh (diabolical laugh).

Putting on the Irish

It's been more than a week since I tried a new recipe. I've been meaning to try this Irish Beef and Guinness Stew for some time, and I acquired the Guinness yesterday. This stew tastes incredible. The sweetness from the raisins along with the flavor of the caraway does incredible things with the hearty beef and Guinness flavors. Although my mom is very proud of her Irish heritage, I'm afraid she wouldn't like this stew. She doesn't like caraway.

It takes a long time to cook, and I should have started it earlier this afternoon, but I wasn't able to get to it any sooner. It would make a great winter afternoon project. The beef is incredibly tender. Buddy of course had to help me with the vegetable scraps. He enjoyed the turnip end pieces as much as he enjoys the carrots, but he didn't seem to enjoy the parsnip ends.

While I was waiting for the stew to stew, I drank one of the bottles of Guinness. It reminds me a lot of the beer I drank when I went to Germany in high school. (I was legal there at that age). But this had more of a bitter aftertaste. I don't think I'll be drinking much Guinness, but the stew I certainly enjoy.

This recipe comes from page 148 of the March 2010 Cooking Lightmagazine that I recently discovered. I've since subscribed to it.

Ingredients
2 tablespoons canola Oil, divided
1 tablespoon butter, divided
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
2 pounds boneless chuck roast, trimmed and cut into 1-inch cubes
1 teaspoon salt, divided
5 cups chopped onion (about 3 onions)
1 tablespoon tomato paste
4 cups fat-free, less-sodium beef broth
1 (11.2-ounce bottle Guinness Draught
1 tablespoon raisins
1 teaspoon caraway seeds
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
1.5 cups (1/2-inch-thick) diagonal slices carrot (about 8 ounces)
1.5 cups (1/2-inch-thick) diagonal slices parsnip (about 8 ounces)
1 cup (1/2-inch( cubed peeled turnip (about 8 ounces)
2 tablespoons flat-leaf parsley

Preparation
1. Heat 1 tablespoon oil in a Dutch oven over medium-high heat. Add 1.5 teaspoons butter to pan. Place flour in a shallow dish. Sprinkle beef with 1/2 teaspoon salt; dredge beef in flour. Add half of the beef to pan; cook 5 minutes, turning to brown on all sides. Remove beef from pan with a slotted spoon. Repeat procedure with remaining 1 tablespoon oil, 1.5 teaspoons butter, and beef.
2. Add onion to pan; cook 5 minutes or until tender, stirring occasionally. Stir in tomato paste; cook 1 minute, stirring frequently. Stir in broth and beer, scraping pan to loosen browned bits. Return meat to pan. Stir in remaining 1/2 teaspoon salt, raisins, caraway seeds, and pepper; bring to a boil. Cover reduce heat, and simmer 1 hour, stirring occasionally. Uncover and bring to a boil. Cook 50 minutes, stirring occasionally. Add carrot, parsnip, and turnip. Cover, reduce heat to low, and simmer 30 minutes stirring occasionally. Uncover bring to boil; cook 10 minutes or until vegetables are tender. Sprinkle with parsley.

Makes 8 servings (serving size:about 1 cup). Each serving has 365 calories.

New Goal

I've come up with a new goal. I haven't given up on my previous goals, but this is something new and different. Since Ken will be coming to my place every other day to take care of his support socks, I've decided that I'm going to try to get him to eat some healthier meals. Ken's diet is filled with highly processed foods. He reads my blog, so this might be something of a surprise to him. I don't know how he'll react.

On Thursday, I made my chicken thighs and rice. He liked that. And today, I made pork tenderloin with spinach. Ken doesn't like spinach, so I made steamed carrots for him. I was worried about it because I put vinegar in the pork. He actually said it was good. That was a relief. Tomorrow night I'm going to make an Irish beef stew that has Guinness in it. If it turns out, I'll probably try to get him to try it.

So Ken, did I screw up my plans by announcing them here? I guess I'll see what he says tomorrow....

The picture above is Joey in her new throne. The previous owner had put an old concrete, field tile in front of my back door. I fill it with succulents, i.e. cactus, hens 'n' chicks, aloe, etc. Well, I'm going to be moving it this summer so I haven't planted anything in it yet. I put the dogs outside, and Joey decided that was her throne. As the sun set, it must have gotten cold so she moved to one of the patio chairs. Miss Queen Bee Joey likes her comforts.

Ahhh, Home Sweet Home

Since Ken has been out of the hospital this last time, I've had to drive down to his place after school every day in order to take off and put on his support hose or Tet hose. They are a real bugger to put on. But I have experience. I used to put Dad's on him when I lived in the same building complex. The only thing is that it's taken a lot of my time away from home. My house looked terrible!!! There was dog stuff and dog hair everywhere.

Well, as of today, Ken can now drive again. He's off the pain pills. And that means he can drive up here. We've decided we'll alternate days. And today was my first day up here. I got out of school and I came home and I started cleaning. I must have worked two good hours on the place. It's still not spic and span, but it's a heck of a lot better than it was. I feel more grounded because of it.

I was also able to spend more time with my dogs. I've been feeling guilty because I've only been able to give them a half hour here and there. I need to start walking with them again, but it's been impossible to find the time. We'll get there, but it'll take a little while longer.

It's past my bedtime. I have to get to school early so that I can get more papers graded. I'm only one paper behind right now. I'd like to be caught up before the next one comes in...it's wishful thinking, but it's all I have.

As I wrote my entry last night, I could see my backyard and garden from my window. My garden bed was beckoning me. So, I grabbed some string and Ken's stapler. I decided I had better mark off those square feet for the square foot gardening I mentioned earlier.

It didn't take much time and effort, but I felt that tension, that anxiety I was feeling, lift away. True, it wasn't really my anxiety, but it was there. It was a reminder to me of how important outdoor activities are to a healthy mental state. I know you can walk away your ills if you do it enough. Remembering this, I e-mailed my niece to make sure she gets out and moves around. I hope takes my advice. I know it'll help.

I frequently have depressed students come to me. I don't know what it is. Apparently, they can recognize a like-minded soul, or maybe I'm simply a mother figure. I'm not a counselor. But I frequently have to determine whether a student is truly depressed or just a little blue. It's an element for my career that I feel exceedingly qualified for. If they're depressed, I direct them towards the professionals. If they're just feeling down, I hear them out and try to comfort them and get them moving in the right direction. It's gratifying, but energy sapping. I'm beginning to think that going through an emotional dip is a natural part of the college career. Some people just dip a little, and some people, like me plummet. In some ways, I think we expect too much from college students. They need a lot of support. Probably more than they did than when they were small children. And sometimes, in some ways they virtually revert back to those early childhood stages.

Enough of this. I have a busy day ahead of me. I don't have time to sit here waxing philosophically in my jammies.

Anxiety

This afternoon, I talked to my niece on the phone. She's having a rough time of it right now. She's having difficulty with college and her career plans, and she's about to graduate. Her doubts are palpable. She's experiencing physical as well as emotional problems due to her anxiety. I felt bad that all I could do was give her my support and a few suggestions of what she can do.

Listening to her, I felt that all too familiar tightness in the abdomen. I was feeling her anxiety. I had a lot of my own career issues. I was 40 by the time I got my career back on track. I went through several stops and starts and I suffered from anxiety and depression. It's horrible. And I've been feeling a bit anxious ever since my conversation with her.

I know my niece will come out of this ok. She has a better support system than I had. But experiencing this with her, helped me recall my own difficult times. Times in which it would have been impossible to do what I'm doing right now. It's sort of a vicious cycle. In order to get into a healthier mental state, you need to live a healthier life, but it's almost impossible to live a healthier lifestyle when you're in a weakened mental state. I'm so fortunate that I found myself where I need to be - right here, right now. And thank you to all of you who've have lent me your support. I can't tell you how helpful and important it is.

Swabbing the Deck

It's a good thing I learned how to use a string mop when I worked in the kitchen of a nursing home. And it was fortunate that I have the mop bucket and wringer I gave Mom and Dad. Because I really needed it all this evening.

For once, I got all my laundry done this last weekend, and I spontaneously grabbed a couple of winter coats from my back entryway to wash with the intention of putting them away for the year. So, it was washing away and the dogs and I settled down for a relaxing evening. It wasn't long before Buddy informed me that he had to go potty. When we were about to head out the back door, I looked down into the basement and saw that sudsy water was swirling around the washing machine. I knew immediately what had happened. A couple of times, I'd noticed that Buddy, it had to be Buddy, Joey isn't tall enough, had pulled the drainage hose from the washer out of the pipe. It's the black hose pictured above. Well, I missed it this time.

So, I had to mop up the wash water off the cement floor. I also gave it a quick wash with bleach water, once I'd gotten the dirty stuff cleaned up. The dogs live in this room. I've pretty much stripped it of anything that I think they can damage. I don't know how to remove the washer.... So, I'll have to keep an eye on this from now on, or I'll be swabbing more decks.

April Showers Bring May Flowers...er, vegetables

I have a ton of papers to grade, but yesterday, I just couldn't bring myself to do very many of them. I went to the store twice (I forgot to get water), I did laundry, straightened the kitchen some (the whole house needs a good cleaning), and I had to go to Ken's to help around his house. Besides, it was a beautiful day. And from my home office window, I can see my garden. That half-filled raised garden bed was making me crazy. So, I gave up on the papers, went to Ken's early, and went to get more gopher dirt to top off that bed.

By the time we finished up yesterday, I was filthy dirty, but it's a good kind of dirty. A dirty that's the result of hard work. In a way, it's an earned dirty. When we finished filling up the bed, I grabbed some clean clothes and we went back to Ken's for showers and supper. It was a very good day.

In the interim somewhere I called Dad to tell him about my gardening projects. I had planned to maybe plant a few things last night when I got home. He advised against it and said I should wet the bed down good before I plant. That sounded reasonable, but I didn't want to haul out the hose and do all of that last night. And so, mother nature took care of it. It was raining when I got up this morning.

I did a little research and I've decided to do square-foot gardening in my raised garden beds. With square foot gardening, you block off square feet and plant in those squares rather than in rows. So, with a larger plant, like a tomato, you plant one plant per square, but with smaller plants, you can plant up to 16 plants per square. I've never liked rows anyway. I wasn't very good at making them straight. In a way, the weeds growing over my garden was a plus. They hid my crooked rows.

Do the clothes make the woman?

Yesterday, Mari and I went shopping. I just read in her blog about how she feels that we accumulate too much stuff. I agree with her, but at the same time, I'm just beginning to enjoy this new found ability to put on a new personae now that I'm able to fit into more and different kinds of clothes. I can re-invent myself every day. I still don't always know who that person is when I try on a new personae, but I'm trying to get used to the idea that it's ok to do this. That it's not a betrayal of who I am, and have been. I know. Maybe I'm making too much of nothing, but all of this does seem real to me.

I've got the dogs tied up outside right now. I'll be glad when I can get a dog fence to keep them in and I don't have to keep them tied down. It'll be good for them, and it'll be good for me.

Yesterday, in addition to going shopping, Ken helped me collect gopher dirt for my raised garden bed. So far I've got one bed filled 3/4 full. It was a lot of work and it'll take even more work, but I just can't bring myself to pay money for dirt. It just feels wrong. I'm also getting a good work out collecting all this dirt. I know Ken is frustrated that he can't lift, but we don't want to have to take him back for more surgeries this spring. One hernia a year is plenty. I hope he realizes that I appreciate his company and the use of his truck and other equipment. By the way, gopher dirt is great. It's very clean and fine. I should be thanking the gophers as well.

Striking a Pose

Buddy cracks me up. Frequently, when I take him outside to potty, he'll strike this hero-dog pose à la Rin Tin Tin or Lassie. In fact, anyone who knows him knows that he's nothing but big goof. Sometimes I feel like a poser myself. When people tell me I'm looking really good, I think that I've got people fooled. Frequently, I feel no different than I did before the weight loss. Sometimes I just want to tell people "No, it's just the bra I'm wearing."

On the other hand, I do know the benefit of positive thinking. If I feel fit and healthy, I will act fit and healthy, and I will become fit and healthy. Poser/Positive thinking...sometimes it feels like there's a fine line between the two. On good days, I'm thinking positive. On bad days, I see myself as a poser. So, if you're out there supporting me and telling me how good I'm doing and I seem sort of sheepish, that's me on one of my poser days. Today, was something of a poser day.

Brined Chicken...a little bit of heaven

Well, I finished the brining. It isn't very difficult really. It just takes time. Ok, it also takes a big pot. After brining, I put it on my rotisserie. I have one of those rotiesseries you see on TV. I love it. Even before the diet, I'd do a chicken, tear it apart, and make several different meals from it. I'd use it for stir fry, sandwiches, and soups. I don't do the sandwiches much these days, but I still stir fry and make soups. A rotisseried chicken is good as it is, but I really think brining it made it juicier and tenderer. It was hard not to eat the whole chicken and I've never done that before. For the sake of full disclosure, I ate both dark and white meat (Actually, it was a good excuse to eat some more). I'm generally a dark meat girl, but this breast meat was excellent.

The Brining recipe I use came from the Better Homes and Gardens magazine. It was the June 2005 issue. By the way, this is called a basic brine. You can add additional herbs and spices to give it more of a kick.

Ingredients
1 gallon water
1 cup kosher salt (I used pickling salt)
8 medium cloves of garlic peeled and halved
2 Tablespoon cracked peppercorns
1 3.5-4 pound whole chicken

Preparation
1. In a stockpot bring water to boiling. Add salt, garlic, and peppercorns. Stir to dissolve salt. Remove from heat, cool. Refrigerate until chilled.
2. Transfer chilled brine to container large enough to hold chicken and brine. Place chicken, breast side down, in container; cover with brine. Cover with plastic wrap. Weight chicken down with a plate to keep it submerged. Refrigerate for 10 to 12 hours.

Rinse the chicken before preparing. You can put it on a rotisserie, roast it in the oven, or grill the chicken.

The dark meat with the skin is equal to 286 calories per 140 grams. The white meat with the skin is equal to 258 calories per 140 grams. I'm not going to tell you how much I ate. But I did stay within my dietary restrictions, barely. :)

Re-energized

The last couple of days I've been complaining about being exhausted. Well, today, I'm doing much better. I've decided my exhaustion was a combination of the effects of the respiratory infection I have and the antibiotics I've been taking for it. It's such a relief. When I'm tired like that I get down, and I feel as though I'm not getting anywhere with this diet. Today, I felt thinner as well as more energized. And how I feel has a major effect on whether I proceed on the diet or not.

Today, I'm going to start brining that chicken I talked about. It'll stay in the brine over night and all day tomorrow. Then I'll cook it on the rotisserie. I'll share the recipe and the results with you tomorrow.

Go Figure

I've said several times on this blog that when I'm tired I think I'm hungry. Well, today, after work, I was exhausted. I had to run down to Ken's and do a few things for him. While there, I fell asleep for a short time. When I got home, I ate right away after taking the dogs out...and after eating I felt rejuvenated. I had enough energy to play with the dogs for awhile and straighten the kitchen up a bit. I'm still doing rather well.

So, apparently, sometimes I get hungry and I think I'm tired too...so, what the heck do I do? I guess I need to eat a little bit when I feel this way and if I'm not rejuvenated, then I get some rest. It's paradoxical and rather unfair. I also feel rather stupid that I can't even tell what my body is telling me.

Ahhhh-Chooo!

As in most springs, I have had some seasonal allergy symptoms. These are on top of my normal allergy symptoms and asthma. And as in most springs, I've developed a secondary respiratory infection. This time, I think it's in the larynx. My sinuses, nose, and chest seem relatively phlegm free, but I'm coughing this stuff up from somewhere, and my voice is all gravely as if I were still smoking.

This little infection would be no big deal except that I'm having some problems sleeping. I go back to school tomorrow, and I have to be awake and on top of things. So, I'm off to see the doctor. I don't know if Buddy and Joey have picked up on the fact that I'm not feeling up to par or what because they've been pleasantly quiet today. Either that, or they're hatching some sort of scheme to steal all the doggy treats or something.

Today, I decided to give some manufactured diet food a shot. I've heard a lot about the Healthy Choice steamers. So, the other day, I picked one up. It was a Honey BBQ with rice thing. I'll be honest. It tasted pretty good, but the rice was white and highly processed. And when I saw that Healthy Choice was a ConAgra company, I sort of got sick to my stomach. I wondered how much of the thing was actually real, honest-to-God food. I checked out the label. I was happy to see that the first ingredients were real food items; however, the ingredients list is about a mile long. Michael Pollan has said in his book In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto that in order to eat healthily, you should follow a few simple rules and a couple of them jump out at me right now. 1. Don't eat anything that has more than 5 ingredients, and 2. Don't eat anything your grandmother or great grandmother wouldn't recognize as food. So, it probably wasn't the healthiest meal I've ever eaten, but I can honestly say that I gave it a shot.

I know that I'm overdue for a new dish. I'm thinking of trying to brine a chicken....I'll let you know if I try it.

Happy Easter!!!

I hope everyone had a happy Easter! I did. I spent my day with my family and with Ken. Ken didn't join us for our Easter festivities because he didn't feel up to it, and I don't blame him; afterall, he just came home from surgery just yesterday. However, Ken's sister Shirley and her husband Elroy stopped by for a visit with him, and I stopped in before and after I went to my mom and dad's. I made a point of bringing him some Easter treats.

I took a cabbage salad and a cheesy potatoes I've been meaning to make, but I haven't had the opportunity to cook for so many people until now. There were a lot of good dishes there today. Dad's beef and pork roasts and carrots, Nat's orange salad and cream puff desert, and Aimee's green bean casserole and strawberry desert, oh, and my niece Annette brought deviled eggs, which according to those who enjoy such things (I am not among them), they were very good. But one of the things I've been missing while on this diet is cheesy. Oh sure I can eat feta, which I do like, but it's not the same as American, Swiss, Cheddar, etc. I have to thank Nancy D. for the potato recipe. Everyone really liked it.

Yesterday, while shopping for supplies, I ran into a friend I haven't seen for awhile. We got talking about dieting. I mentioned that I was on a plateau, and she commented that I should move past that plateau after today. I recognized that she was right. If I hit a plateau and then have a cheating day, once back on the diet, I'll lose weight again. She said that the plateau is the body's way of conserving energy (fat) because it "thinks" it's starving. Obviously, she was saying that it was not a conscious action, but an autonomic response. I don't know, but her theory seems valid to me. The trick here is to go back on the diet after the cheating day; otherwise, the calories will again begin to accumulate. Which leads us back to the head game we have to play with ourselves when dieting. Despite the satisfaction found in cheating, we have to reject that and return to that toughest of all states, moderation.

So, eat, drink, and be merry today, for tomorrow, we shall diet.

Plateau, Hernia Surgery, and Raised Garden Beds

Yep, that's a picture of a plateau, and my weight is as flattened as it is. This is but one lame excuse for not having written. I love writing this blog, it's just that sometimes my life gets the better of me and it just doesn't happen.

So, yes, I'm at a plateau, and when that happens, I do get a bit frustrated and I feel as though my dieting isn't succeeding. Cognatively, I know better, but it doesn't mean that I accept it emotionally. However, despite my frustration, I've been pretty good.

I left you last with Ken finding out he'd have to have a vena cava filter put in prior to his hernia surgery. Well, the filter went in successfully, and his surgery today was very successful. They're talking about sending him home as early as tomorrow. We're sort of hoping for Saturday. I think he'll do better at home with one more day to heal. Besides, he likes the attention of the nurses.

After I came home from visiting Ken in the hospital today, I put together three raised garden beds. I'm rather proud of myself for having done this by myself. The next step will be getting soil to fill them up. Once the soil is in there, I can start planting spinach, kohlrabi, kale, onions, etc. I can't wait.

Once my garden beds are in position and filled, I'll share pictures.

From now on, I'll try to be better about writing.